Wednesday, February 15, 2006

i didnt went to school since monday.. i think i am not planning to go school tml either.. coz my group members aint going and we were supposed to present a powerpoint project.. haha.. maybe friday i am not going too.. got the race.. aiz...
i think i have forgotten my responsibilities.. anyway.. i am planning to go poly.. i hate growing up!!! still cant really believe that i am in jc now.. going to poly.. anyway.. i did went to school for co.. coz supposed to have a performance de.. but its cancelled at the last moment..
wow! we have a totally superb co conductor!! he makes sure that everyone.. pls note, 'everyone'.. plays the idealistic way in his mindset.. although i am just one banging the clashes.. he made us feel like we were part of the team( as we were often neglected).. he commented when we hit the wrong beat and praises when we've met his requirements.. although fierce i must say.. but he's one of the coolest teacher i ever saw!!~~
Jie yee was like so afraid of him coz she was in the drum and its a very very impt role~ and i was like, " I want MORE songs! more songs!! its soo exciting man!!"
haha i was super high today~ the conductor really cute and enthu la.. heez =)

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gee.. i am really sad today.. firstly.. ytd was my father's b'day and i bought famous amos cookies for him.. but i forget that he have diabetes.. i think i made his bld sugar lvl rose to 12.7 this morning.. he said that his right eyesight is failing.. he may go blind.. then just now at nite.. he said that he went to the hospital and his bld glucose lvl rose to 14.. if he inquire any external injuries.. his limbs may get amputated.. and may get kidney failure, liver failure and things like that.. i am so sry.. i forgot that you have diabetes dad.. i know you never blamed me.. but i just don want anything to happen to you.. really sorry..


just 15mins ago.. my big ' brother' yong peng called me.. he told me that my second ' brother' wei hong.. got 31 points for L1R4.. he failed his math.. got an E8.. he couldn't get into a poly.. i heard that the day he got back his results.. he locked himself up in the room.. isolated himself for two consecutive days.. when yong peng called him.. his mother answered and told him to ask wei hong wat was his decision.. coz she said that WH told her he going ITE.. YP suggested for him to retake.. anyway.. YP said that WH probably never communicate with his family.. i felt really really terrible upon hearing this.. i remembered how hard we worked together.. now my second brother is very sad.. and as his sister.. i felt really guilty not showing enough concern for him.. i don wish to think about it for now.. i just want him to know.. no matter wat happens.. me and YP will always be there for him..


its only now that i realised the agony of parting.. during our practice session today.. pei xian msg me and told me that shes putting JJ as her first choice.. i am really glad for her.. becoz we were still talking on the phone ytd's nite and she still haven made up her mind.. my first feeling was that i am really happy as JY was in JJ too.. they made a great team.. JY was really delirious too when i told her that.. it took me less then 5 secs to change my mood.. i realised that me and JY would go really different ways and our friendship may not be as close as ever.. i could visit her sometimes.. but the time we could be alone and talk would be dimishing.. i mean.. its possible for the three of us to talk together.. but sometimes girls need private talks together.. and i couldn't possibly ask her to tell PX to go home first and ask her to wait for me.. that is not wat i wanted too.. i don want PX to go home without JY's company.. gosh.. wat am i saying.. i don understand.. but the most main problem is i think our timetable would defer greatly.. and i really have no idea when i could ever see her again when school starts.. i really treasured her.. i cried suddenly when i thought abt it.. jie yee saw it.. and she told me that i could not cry.. becoz if i cry.. the water in my eyes would get lesser and my eyes will become really small..
............. she is such a cute little girl.. think about the environment i grew up in.. my mother have always tell me that tearing could clean the surface of your eyes.. and i did study bio.. thank you jie yee.. i know you said that so that i wouldnt cry.. but i just couldn't control it.. i never realised i would be so affected.. previously i just thought that i could always visit her whenever i like and whenever i am free.. but i know it will not be that simple and i will miss her.. been together for more than 2 years..


can i really survive out there..? can i cope without her..? must i learn to be independent..?

all i know is that...

i really MISS her.. i miss my friends.. i miss kai ling.. michelle.. wan ling.. zhang jing.. guo xiong.. regina.. nizam.. jun ren.. shila.. bradley..

i walked aimlessly when i stepped down from the bus.. i couldnt find a place to cry.. i sat down and watch a group of senior citizens doing aerobics.. i calmed down and smiled my way home..



i pray i pray.. that tml everything will be alrite.. there is always a chink in the darkest walls.. i do believe that someday the walls will be broken.. light will triumph over darkness.. and our friendship will never be extinguished.. do remember me friends =)

i LOVE you guys !!

ps: this entry is invisible.. it contains my real thoughts.. if you happen to see it.. plz don let me know.. its a secret! *winks*

11:05 PM;;
♥ find your instrument~ ♥