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Monday, October 27, 2008











These are the genting photos. =) At first is siew ling and the 3 of us going de, but she cant go in the end. then last min ask eme, my brother and bf to join coz if just girls i think we really no directions. But my brother proved to be just as useless and NOT MAN at all. =xD uring the two nites we watch CHUCKY movie in the hotel room till fall asleep. im super proud of connie. Normally she very early sleep de. but in the end, only she and Emeleen are the only person left who are awake and finished the show. they two damn pro. And my brother useless de.. watch scary movie first nite clung onto adeline coz he scared then second nite clung to emeleen. =.= not man at all lor. Hahas. Adeline sleep FIRST lor. =P we should have move you to the toilet man.

My bf is the camera man. always taking pictures of us lols. lucky he not like my brother and he settle wat we must do for us. hahas. so we all just eat, follow, play, follow, watch show and Sleep!! Thank goodness!!! Ade and eme also assist in looking out for us. Me, connie and my brother the most Useless. Lols.

Anyway, attachment start le. My sister very good. i got holiday till tuesday. that meant i off 4 days then work 3 days and off 1 day. =P

But i quite sad during lunch hours... coz must EAT ALONE.... haiz... unless i lucky can bump into adeline or hong yu.... really feel like going down tml to eat dinner with adeline in hospital. she sure very lonely eat alone.. lols... haiz...

What to do? this attachment is super lonely... We one person in one ward... =( And i kenna children ward... i wanted women ward de... coz i cant stand children crying.. well, lets see. maybe i will like this ward as time goes by ba....

Siew ling, next year we go holiday together. Hope this time shan and cindy can make it =D


11:16 AM;;
♥ find your instrument~ ♥

Friday, October 10, 2008

I almost 1 month never blog le... lols.. and when i realised really can get lazy if too long nv blog.. =x well.. these two months happen quite a number of things..

1) I got a bf
2) I just came back from genting
3) Im going to start my 1 person attachment in the ward in KKH

em.. ok. I've decided to post a long confession today.. maybe i've been mysterious for too long? em.. no.. i should say, maybe its time i dun keep everything to myself.

firstly.. im going to blog about the bf thing. some of my friends already know i have le. but some like teck hui still dunno! =S Oh no! hahas =x i have waited and someone finally asked..

"I thought you didnt want a bf before 21??"

ok.. and so i shall explain.. this is my blog rite? i can write Anything bout myself rite?

In my sec school days.. i was quite confirm that i didnt want to have a bf.. and later maybe i used it as an excuse to reject ppl.. longer it became a habit and mindset to me.. but i was really quite sure i really didnt want to be in a relationship.. its really all disasters.. then.. at a more later part.. it became guilt that i CANT have a bf coz i dun deserve it...

Last year was really thunderstorm for me.. all kinds of things keep happening and happening.. but i keep running away and that makes everything worse...

At the beginning of the year, there was an almost-to-be relationship.. but things doesnt work out in the end.. then later i said very mean things to a close friend which almost made us strangers.. and after that was a series of bombardment of events happening in the club.. then also got the shaun and A thing.. and also two lesbians keep pestering me...

i really cant take it... and also it proved to me that i cant really trust anyone.. they will just spread it around or just hope to get work done from me.. And the worse thing is.... everything really seems to be my fault... i really dun have a chance to think what i should do.. its always ppl telling me what to do..

Then later.. when my bday was around the corner, the guy i liked since sec 2 asked me out as he wanted to pass me a present.. this was the first time over the years.. when i met him, then i realised that actually all these while i still like him... but the feeling was on and off during poly years.. coz like wanna get over it..

from september to december, we met quite a few times.. mostly is i ask him out de.. he was really too nice to me.. he know that i like him but still willing to meet me and he wont ask me any questions like why must meet or go where and things like that.. but the problem is... he is very nice to me.. but he dun have the feeling for me.. and he wants to concentrate on his studies.. the problem for me is... i know he dun like me.. but coz he is too nice to me.. make me always wanna ask him out to chat..

im a very practical person de.. i wont give myself false hopes de.. and so.. i did smth which many ppl think its stupid.. I asked him out on december.. wanted to pass him a letter saying that i wanna give up liking him.. I know i very stupid do these kind of things la!! ><>

but when i meet him... he asked if i wanna go eat dinner with me...and i did.. after that i say i wanna go off le.. and before going off i pass him the letter...


Hi *** !
......................
"I dont want to admit i still like you becoz i wont want to feel hurt....."
"By admiting now means i wont run away...."
"Its just that for the time being I wont contact you.."
"I'll look forward to the day where I'll meet you again.."
---

These are some of the sentences which i remember... i cried to meet jie yee after that.. lols.. actually.. i really planned that maybe i wont see him again... maybe next time theres no more reason to meet anymore.. and i really never contact him after that le... the last time we msg is in April.. he msged me saying that his friend saw me in jp.. well.. at least i felt ok after so long.. i guess thats the end of story for last year.. =)

so this year.. for me it was more peaceful then last year.. i got to be better friends with this guy.. coz maybe we in the same club since last year so consider friends liao.. and this year.. maybe i got more time to think bout things and i can face things better..

i guess he just happen to be there at the rite time.. coz last year i just gave up on someone i liked for almost 4.5 years..

Everything is still not easy.. in fact.. nothing is easy...

I've always feel so moody and trapped... theres so many things i cant say.. cant do... and i always feel whatever i do i like owe ppl explanations...

I just want to do my best to make my friends around me happy.. my poly friends always say i should not care too much... yea.. well.. its already been proven to me that its useless coz in the end will only bring more misunderstandings..

yea.. and so.. i feel that hes very mature.. and can get along which is more impt.. of coz im happy.. but i really not a good gf la..
em.. yea.. i like so not used... all in 1 day blog out so many personal things.. lols.. im ok to say de la..

my feelings now is...
i really cant describe...

Do you understand? ..

well.. later i going to meet my sec school friend to watch painted skin...
great. =)

9:36 AM;;
♥ find your instrument~ ♥