Saturday, April 19, 2008

Just came back... its 1.49am now when im typing this.. Today, or should i say ytd, after chess briefing, went to eat dinner coz one of my relative bday..

And i thought abt many things.. Suddenly im thinking abt this question..

Just how much attention you need to give someone to make them feel that you treat them as a friend?

I received a msg from A today.. She said that she mistrust me because i doubt the Guy's existance! And i just ended my friendship with her.. She asked at the end, " Do you know wat u've just done to me? "

At first, i really dunno wat wrong did i do!! I just blog how PISSED i am with that guy! I told my close friends about him. I told them i have never seen nor hear his voice yet he contacted me for the past two years. I really once doubt he existed although i dun think A would make up stories to lie to me also. I cant say i 100% believe in him. I NEVER SAW HIM. this is jus a normal human behaviour! But i didnt go and think much bout this later on. I see no point and i just trust you on wat you say.

I just DONT SEE what wrong i have done?!! If i dun believe in him, I wont so stress and CRY liao. I just try to care for you as my FRIEND. Who cares about him!! And wat are you mad about?? Yea i know. Im always the BAD PERSON.

Im recently thinking WAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. Last time, i just follow wat he told me too. He says I am your Friend and should show you more concern and attention. He makes me feel like such a lousy friend! And you are so Unwilling to tell me, always say nothing is wrong..

In a friendship, trust is the most impt thing to me. since you think you have lost trust in me, then i can only say im sorry. I never betrayed you. I never told him anything you didnt want him to know. why am i even explaining all these...

................................................

I got so many thoughts and questions running in my head now...

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY??!!!

If i care, they expect more from me. If i dont, they get affected by me.

To this good friend of mine (though you say i never treat you like a good friend..)

You jiu dun trust me that much? That i wont be good friends with you if i never really talk or give you a lil more attention?

Some of my closest friends, we only met a few times every year.. Does the amount of attention really matters?

I really understand how you feel... i've gone through the same process as you did.. but i just realise no one can really be there for you always.. you cant be too dependable.. You can only treasure wat you have now.. change yourself to accept wat you have now..

Im doing that and im much happier this way.. and naturally we will just be better friends because you will know and see wat is more impt in a friendship then just attention from that person..

Pls have a bit more confidence in me? If not in the long run, you will just feel more moody and i will just feel more tired.

Maybe weilson and cindy is rite.. i shouldnt care so much...

They dont even care about me...

1:49 AM;;
♥ find your instrument~ ♥